Posted on Thu Nov 29, 04:04 PM in Consuming Me
The first step is admitting you have a problem.
With a great many plans being made in preparation of the end of March (if you don’t know what I’m talking about, email me), The Household has been exploring the budget and has been hyperaware of spending practices of all parties. We’re all watching every penny we spend, so we don’t have to suddenly do this in 4 months.
Actually, if I was truthful, I’d have to admit that I, on my own, am vigilant of all pennies spent and probably on a scale that isn’t healthy. I track money in and out of our house to a detail most people would be terrified to even be aware of. I do this for reasons I’m not quite sure of. I grew up in a house that always seemed to be lacking money, even though we kept spending it. Money was a four-letter word, and mentioning it always raised hackles. It was green, but so is envy, and I’m certain I picked up some unflattering habits when it came to dealing with or acknowledging others’ money issues. I took out 90% of my own loans for college, and kept track of them all. I kept track of every penny I spent; I could tell you now what I was spending my money on 14 years ago, as a freshman. Around 2000 I started to track my spending and income in a spreadsheet, trying to find trends and better predict needs and problems before they occurred. The planning paid off recently, as The Household paid off much of its frivolous credit card debt and saved up for a nice house downpayment.
Predicting problems, though, is a far cry from fixing them. And sometimes it’s difficult to see the forest through the trees. Take, for example, my closet.
I used to think I was different from other girls, most of whom I would see follow the fashion magazines and shop at the mall just to say they bought a thing that weekend. Then I realized that the only thing that separated me from them was purchasing power. I admit it, I like clothes. I still don’t give a toss about “latest fashions” or “what [insert famous personality here] is wearing,” but possessing something of an artistic bent, I do enjoy the creativity I see in designs and fabrics. I admit it, also, that I like pretty things. And if those pretty things are wearables, well, the urge to purchase is quite strong.
Enter my penchant for tracking dollars to the nth degree, and the problem becomes interesting. At some point, I turned this into a fun game of “find the best deal on the neatest clothes.” Who wins? Me? Not really, but I’ve been thinking this for so long it didn’t even occur to me to question it. I recently waited a year and a half to purchase a jacket I’d been coveting; I saved 85% in the process. I do this constantly, playing a waiting game on the internet and turning the waiting into justification for purchasing. “Waiting will help me determine if I really want it,” I’d say, and in part that works, and avoids me making impulse purchases.
So I like pretty things, I like hunting for impossibly good deals on pretty things, and I use this to justify the purchase of pretty things. But do I need these pretty things?
When we moved into our house in August of 2006, we realized that the closets of our 1928 bungalow would in no way accomodate the clothing collections of even modest 21st-century United States citizens. The small closet in our bedroom was relegated to the SO, and I fashioned a closet in the spacious loft adjacent to our bedroom, using some eye hooks, tension wire, and curtains. I purchased a modest wardrobe unit for some dresses, but cobbled together (from other closets in the house) the shelving and closet components for the rest of my clothes. This involved the typical vertical wall supports, L-brackets, and wire shelves you might see in custom closets anywhere.
I’d been trying to be good about the clothing purchases this year… but “good deals” got the better of me, and while they don’t add up to a significant portion of The Household budget, the question remains: Why do I do this? Especially important now, as I head into the final stretch before March; especially important now, as I reexamine what’s truly meaningful to me, what I want to accomplish in life, and what’s been holding me back all these years; and especially important now, watching my pennies. I’d been thinking about “Feed the Pig.” I’d been thinking about conspicuous consumption. Still and all, I wondered when I’d change.
I got my wakeup call the morning after Thanksgiving, literally, when at 7am I awoke to what sounded like a person jumping through a glass window. I was sound asleep at the time, and after staring at the window in my bedroom for a full minute before realizing “it’s not that window…”, I wandered out into the house to find out what happened. I made it two steps and saw all my closet shelves had separated from the wall and crashed to the floor, lying in an ugly heap over all my clothes.
Hi, my name is mercyskye, and I have too many clothes… too many for one damn wall…
Nevermind the fact that I had to really bo-dag the installation on wood fucking paneling. I knew that was not ideal, but it was sturdy. I looked down at my clothing, looked up at the blank wall, and after convincing myself that someone had not, in fact, run headlong through our window (I was drowsily andrenelined, if that’s possible), I resolved to correct the problem later that day. And I did. I purged much of my clothing and bought another small wardrobe cart to fit the remaining pieces.
I have so many emails and catelogs coming to my attention, under the belief that the more choices I have, the better choices I’ll make… under the belief that I must be made aware of every single sale opportunity, in case there’s something for me. But what about not making any choices? And who has been telling me I need to make these choices to begin with? Not that it matters; in the end, I make the choices and buy the clothes and sleep in my bed which I make myself. But it’s fascinating to consider the source from where we learn these things. I’m not going to renounce all new purchases, or all material goods, because I believe that when needed, new quality-built things can make living easier and more enjoyable. But when needed. I have a problem, but now I’m going to fix it.
Edited 1-10-08: Well, March is no longer an important date, seeing as how I have already met that particular “goal,” heh heh.