Posted on Tue Aug 26, 01:54 PM in Livin'
My life, in rambles.
For the love of god, now the van won’t start. And it’s in our driveway so I can’t take the Nissan out of the garage. Made me reschedule a dentist appointment, so I hope to have that fixed in the next week.
Actually it will start, but it will not idle. Battery is new, I didn’t leave it on with lights on anywhere, there is turning and cranking, and the only way I can get a little extended engine action is by opening the throttle. But as soon as I let off, the engine cuts out. Some internet research (and we know that can be a dangerous thing) leads me to believe (rather hopefully) that something called the Idle Speed Control Valve needs cleaning.
Reverence made this last weekend a lot of fun. I took a bucket o’ pictures, and posted the better/cropped/color-corrected ones on Flickr.
I have plans to tear up the back half of the backyard with a rented tiller, level it out, and plant grass seed next month, having read that the best time to plant seed is late summer or early fall. No idea what I’m doing or how much this will cost, but with plants, you gotta work with mother nature, so it’s either do it now, or do it a year from now, and I do not want to deal with another season of weedy backyards that look like ass.
Getting tired of not getting calls for any jobs I apply for. But I did hear about a possible lead on being a photog assistant. The process continues…
It’s been a year now since I talked about leaving my job. That makes me sad.
Tired of car problems and no cash to fix them.
Tired of looking around my house and keeping a list of things to do but not being able to do any of them.
Scared that following my dreams isn’t going to work, especially since I’m having a hard time really making a start. Damn fear…
Trying to enjoy moments, to enjoy things I do have (roof, meals, friends, family), to enjoy my health. Trying also to enjoy the wonderfully cool August we seem to have had so far.
I have talked to two people now in the span of three days who found and followed a “calling” and made it work for them, despite the odds. I wonder if I’m missing a gene, or a synapse, or something that just isn’t making the connection between “it” and “doing something about it.” Paralysis is an apt word. Now I need a breakthrough.
Thank you for sharing your feelings of anxiety and fear. I have frequently tried to find the “right” job and frequently backed out, grabbing the first offer of steady income. It is frightening to hold out, looking for the right fit. I hope you find a job that makes you happy while paying the bills.